The way it is…
The funny thing about life is, everyone wants to fully live it, but almost nobody seems to live it in the way they fully want. There’s a near zero percent chance you’ve never said, “but that’s not fair!” in regard to how your life is going. Be that the trajectory, the company, or another set of plans going by the wayside, things never go how we fully expect—or want.
We just say, “that’s how it goes,” and push forward.
So what is this “it” and how exactly does it go?
In pretty much every worldview, there is an order to things. Mystics generally take the view that it’s an impeccable system that flows in a perfect harmony, every snowflake falling exactly where it’s supposed to, every leaf turning according to plan.
That perfect flow of existence has many names. Hindus call it dharma, the ancient Greeks called it the logos, Jews call it ratzon Hashem (the will of God), and the Chinese call it the Dao. Each tradition has some variation on the concept, but we will be going with the Daoist perspective, as it’s a perspective that doesn’t have many theistic encroachments on other views.
So now we’ve established that “it” is the Dao. Now what’s that?
That’s hard to explain. In fact, the Dao De Jing, the foundational text of Daoist belief, opens with this welcoming passage:
"The Dao that can be named, is not the eternal Dao; the name that can be named, is not the eternal name.”
So you know the Dao De Jing isn’t the most accessible read for those looking for something easy to comprehend. It is, however, completely accessible through a more intuitive sense. Which is kind of perfect, when you consider the world around us can’t really be understood through our reasoning minds, but we have a deeper instinctual understanding of things that we can cultivate and tap into.
The Dao, often translated as “The Way,” is the source, function, and interconnectedness of all things. Think of it sort of like water. Water effortlessly flows, erodes mountains, sustains life, and makes none of it personal. It just harmoniously does its thing, and it’s simultaneously perfect and indifferent. That’s how the Dao do on an entirely cosmic level.
Seems simple enough for something indescribable…
All of the comings and goings of existence are the Dao, bringing about all duality into a fully operational oneness. The dualism creating the whole is represented by yin and yang.
Yin and yang, two terms linguistically void when not paired, are representative of how nothing exists without its counterpart completing it. On the level of pure physics, light implies dark, positive connotes negative, up requires down. This can be found in any area of existence. Happiness inter-exists with sadness, success only is made possible by the option of failure, and fathers can only be thanks to mothers.
This is on all levels and cannot be escaped. Your life wouldn’t be complete without your death. You cannot have one without the other.
We can get deeper into those concepts in a later post, but it was just important to touch upon the idea of interdependence between polarities if we want to understand the Dao.
“If we’re part of the Dao, why does existence feel more itchy and uncomfortable than harmonious?” Excellent question!
Let’s go back to the water metaphor.
Water does what water does and will not give a single damn about your opinion. If you’re swimming in it and there’s a strong current, asking politely isn’t going to change that. Demanding won’t do you much good either. Rivers aren’t rude or anything, they’re just doing their thing. Any issue we take with that is kind of our problem to deal with.
Or to quote the Jewish text, Pirkei Avot:
"Against your will you were formed, against your will you were born, against your will you live, against your will you die, and against your will you are destined to give an account and reckoning before the King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He."
Or, more simply, existence doesn’t have a suggestion box.
So if life is gonna flow without our consent or constructive criticisms, how do we avoid drowning?
Go with the flow
Daoism has a term called wu wei, which in English is often called “non-doing.” Not to be mistaken with doing nothing, non-doing is acting in accordance with the flow of life. To practice wu wei is to act effortlessly, your actions being your natural role in the unfolding happenings of the present, nothing more or less.
For example, if life has risen you to an occasion that you weren’t hoping for, you have two options:
The “doing” option: struggle with the situation. If it’s hard, really revel in how much you wish things were different. Milk the situation for all of the grievances you can, perhaps, or maybe just psychologically shove your circumstances as far away as you can. Either way, you’re not going to enjoy your situation, nor will anything come easy to you.
The “non-doing” option: dance with the situation. Surrender to your circumstances and embrace whatever you have, even if it’s full of suffering. This is the entirety of what you have to work with, so fall into the situation in your entirety. Once you take it all as it is, operate with intuition, spontaneity, and flexibility with whatever unfolds around you. You will fall into harmony with the situation, and the effort will disappear, leaving all of your actions with a natural impeccability.
Don’t confuse surrendering with giving up. Surrender is a full embrace of life without resistance, trusting the flow and following along. The way to avoid defeat is with total surrender.
And have fun with it, babe!
In Hinduism, there’s the concept of lila, which is the idea that we are all the Divine playing the game of existence. For more on how the idea of life as a divine game fits into this broader framework, check out my earlier post on the subject. In short, though, we are all the Creator playing make-believe as the Creation.
It doesn’t exactly mesh completely with the traditional concept of the Dao, as it has a touch of deliberation to it, but bear with me.
If we have the perspective of everything being against our will, we’re gonna have a bad time. If we live with the perspective that everything is nature including us, we’re going to have a harmonious, peaceful time. If we live through the perspective that all of nature, including us, is a cosmic game, the ultimate artistic expression of the soul, we can truly have a blast.
And that’s not to say bad days aren’t on the table, but they exist within the context of the most exquisite dance. The bad days are just the more mischievous elements of the Divine playing with us. It’s okay, the punchline will come to us and we’ll have a wonderful laugh once we’ve accustomed ourselves to playing along.
So be where you are
If you’re like me, life has raised you up, dropped you down, and shipped you off to all sorts of occasions with accompanying roles you didn’t ask for. Or maybe you did ask for it, but then the new reality felt ill-fitting and uncomfortable.
Either way, if that’s the life you’re wearing, there’s no taking it off. No refund. And we reincarnate, so no returns either. So let’s revel in whatever emotions come with your situation and laugh at our absurd tendency to take our lives personally. Once we get that out of our systems, life will guide us where to play next.
I’ll leave you with this: take note of where life hurts and see what happens when you stop pushing it away. Meet life at the door and welcome it fully. If you’re dancing anyway, you might as well get jiggy with it.